1. Festival going wanna be hippie douchebags – You missed the hippie movement by about 50 years, so take a break from updating ur status on ur iphone whilst swaying from side to side with a rose halo to realize ur a herb.

2.”I’m the voice of our generation listen to me” fuck wits – No one really cares what you have to say and in fact ur positivity makes most people sick to their stomach.

3. Asian women who talk loudly on the train in their native tongue. No explanation needed here.

4. The man who was scratching his scalp on the train across from me. His finger got stuck on something like 3 times. We all love picking gross things off our body…its human nature, but perhaps do it at home. Save that scalp scab for later. GROSS.

5. My boss for refusing to realize the world does not revolve around her, she isnt the President of These United States, nor is she famous…NO the doctor will not rearrange his ENTIRE schedule for u!!! Stop having me call them!!!!!

I think that’s it for now…But it is before noon, so one never knows…

I’m def gonna get ass raped on this one, but like always..I just can’t hold this shit in!!

I am currently NOT single. However, I have been single ALOT in my life, so don’t think this is coming from one of those “relationship” girls who always had a boyfriend and has no fucking clue what its like to be alone.

That being said…ALL THE SINGLE LADIES…cut the BULLSHIT!!

Pull up ur big girl pants, buy a box of chocolates and stop with the I HATE VALENTINES DAY nonsense.

It’s a fucking hallmark holiday..and its corny.

But ya know what…one sure sign of a single bitter woman is when she publicly announces numerous times before Feb 14th how much she hates Valentine’s Day.

How much it sucks and how much she loves being single and blah blah blah..

Ladies, if you love being single so much then why does a corny ass holiday full of hearts and flowers make you so angry???

Ur gonna let Cupid get the best of you? OH HELL NO!!!

Stop being the Anti Cupid…embrace it, make the best of it. Send your best friend candy, go out, get drunk and get laid!!!

I hate Valentines Day, it’s so dumb, OMG…corny, it sucks, die cupid die!! SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!

Just cause you don’t have a man in your life doesn’t mean u gotta stomp all over that cute little naked kid with the arrow!!!

Do you realize that no one believes ur a strong independent black woman when they hear you say shit like that?

You make urself look like a sorry individual.

Buck up buttercup…ur time will come, until then…even if you are bitter, don’t show it, it’s not a good look!!

Please send all hate mail regarding this post to b.davis@thisiswhyihateu.com

To my single friends, clearly this is not about you…as always txt me for who its aimed at!!!

Hey Nanook Of  The North…we live in NYC not Siberia!!!!

I understand its cold, but come on now people. Just cause its nipply out doesn’t mean u have to look like a furry asshole.

Really with the giant KGB furry hat?! This is not Russia and you are not an extra in Rocky IV…

You get on the train with ur HUGE scarf and assorted fur accessories and giant hat and thermal nuclear gloves and then you take 20 min getting it all off cause its 500 degrees on the train

THEN…instead of getting up 5 min early to put on your obnoxious display of cold weather gear, you do it while the train is pulling in, then I have to sit there and wait for you to reattached ur bear skin. NOT COOL

Let also discuss the fact that ur shedding everywhere. I need to lint brush my outerwear cause you are scared of the cold.

I mean I get it, its fucking cold out…but there is plenty of non aggressive stylish cold weather wear these days that cuts out the bulk….and there is NEVER a need to wear a fluffy cat around ur neck, OBNOXIOUS!!

I don’t even know why I bother complaining about this cause you are definitely the person who also uses a beach umbrella in the rain, ur simply obnoxious in all facets of life and I hope a bird takes a giant shit on ur fur muff…thank you, and fuck you!

And THIS abominable snow dick IS WHY I HATE U!!

Sorry folks…parks closed!! hahahaha

I have not been taken away to the land of sugar plums and gum drops, don’t u worry.

What I just realized is that the amount of shit that I HATE and PISSES  ME OFF  is at an all time high, and I have been having an issue zeroing in on something…UNTIL THIS MORNING…..

DISASTER LOVING BAD ENERGY FEEDING DOUCHEBOXES THIS IS WHY I HATE U!!!!

Now just to break this down…these are the people who as soon as something bad happens in the world around them they are all over it like flies on shit.

They make it their life’s duty (for that day, week, month) to save the world and promote their cause and care about which ever disaster and tell everyone how much they donate and check themselves in at various fundraisers.

Now don’t get it twisted, I’m not knocking do gooders…I’m knocking self back slapping, flip flopping, I’m doing this because it looks good dickweeds.

You can spot these people out cause the second something else happens, they forgot what they were “helping” with the day before.

Super Storm Sandy fucked up shit everywhere, and I loved seeing how many people were supporting and helping…until this Israel shit happened…YEA…I SAID IT

Since then the flip floppers have forgotten Sandy and are now preaching about help Israel…and they aint even Jewish!

Tomorrow it will be something else I’m sure…or a celebrity will die and I will have to watch a montage of whoever’s filmography until this DICK is done with that situation…

WHY?

Why do you feel the need to protest, protect, and or support the “IN” disaster?

If you such a good person how come you only poke ur head out when bad shit happens?

Why do you get off on terrible situations and take it as a chance to be Goldie Go Getter Do Gooder McAsshole???

JUST BE REAL…you don’t have to give a shit about everything… Just what REALLY matters to U!!!!

Okay…first off let me say that I do not have any children, nor am I anyone’s 2nd wife…

That being said….THANK GOD!!!!!

I have been hearing horror stories about normal girls having to deal with their man’s baby’s mother/ex-wife/ex sister-in-law and her CRAZY ASS SHIT!!!

LADIES…if you relationship/marriage ends…BECAUSE OF U…maybe you should have a coke and a smile and shut the fuck up!!!

It’s over, move on…why must you make ur exes life miserable and torture the lives of his family?

What does that do for you? You make urself look like a complete asshole, and then ya know what…you ex goes and tell’s people how u are, AND WE ALL LAUGH AT U!!!!

TAKE THE HIGH ROAD!!!

Maybe admit you fucked up, and now play the hand YOU dealt!

Or perhaps seek therapy and work on ur bi polar nonsense, cause it aint fair to ur ex, it aint fair to his family, and it sure as hell aint fair to UR KID…who u are using as a pawn to make ur ex husbands life miserable….SHAME ON U!

You aint nothing but a PEAR…with HAIR!!!

Men who use emoticons….THIS is why I hate u…

First off let me start by saying I find women who use emoticons annoying. I mean a wink here and there fine, a sad face ok…but must every single thing you write have some yellow-faced dick on the end of it???? ( and NOOOOO I don’t mean Asians)

Now they have like 8 trillion different little annoying characters as if the smiley faces weren’t bad enough….

BUT…there is NOTHING worse than a full-grown adult male who feels the need to add a smiley face on the end of his txt.

Are you slow?

Are you Gay?

Cause either of those would be acceptable…But NO straight man over the age of 8 years old should be using emoticons, END OF STORY!

I’m not single, but if I was and I just met a guy, and we were doing that first stage txting /sexting flirtation that everyone loves, and he did this or – I would pull my panties right back up and shut off my phone…

What? You don’t txt with ur pants off? Well that’s neither here nor there….point is PUSSY BOY…cut the shit…before I kick you in ur KEN MOUND you shell of a man!!!

Its unattractive, it’s not cute, it’s not playful…its annoying….and I HATE U FOR IT!

Be a man, write “hahahaha” and leave it at that!

AND I’M DONE!

I will first start off by saying I am totally against cruelty to animals…

BUT…If I ever felt the need to strike out on an animal…it would be the PUSSY of all PETS…the CAT

First off you are stuck up snotty little fuckers!!

A dog kisses you, a dog loves you, hell we even taught my dog to give hugs.

What can you teach a cat to do???

How about survive on its own for weeks without you…NOT NORMAL…and fucking creepy. I do not want a pet that’s more capable of taking care of itself than I am.

I mean you don’t need to take a cat for a walk, its gonna shit in a  box when it wants to…which is part of the reason I hate them – I don’t want an animal pooping and peeing indoors ever…

ALSO…2 words HAIR BALLS...GROSS and enough said on that..

One of the other main reasons I wanna lock every cat I see in a room until it eats itself is because I am fairly certain that all cats are evil.

With their piercing eyes and flexible spines…they lurk around, slowly and silently waiting to steal ur babies soul while they sleep….. TRUE STORY…my grandma told me!!

They climb on shit…rub up against ur leg….. and then when you FINALLY go to pet them…. they tense up like ur their creepy molester uncle…what kinda fun is that?

SO…please kitty cats stay away from me…or I will be forced to try to insert you into an ATM like Patrick Bateman…thank you

It’s hard to believe but I actually made it a year without being shut down or sued!!!

Thank you to all the people who listen to me rant, rave and abuse!!

In honor of my one year, I will be holding a reader rant contest…

Submit to b.davis@thisiswhyihateu.com

Winner will receive a T-shirt and maybe I will let you know who I really am

Contest Ends September 3rd!!!