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Unsavory Upton

7 Jun

NOW…before every male reader attacks me and calls me a hater…let me start by saying YES, I think she is HOTHOWEVER….not only is her face/bod HOT…but I also think there is something HOT between her legs, and by HOT…I mean HUMID with a side of MUSTY!!!

Welcome to The Smelly Vagina Club Kate Upton

Now I am not a swimsuit model, just in case anyone was confused…

The fact that she hangs out by the ocean leads me to believe that just like LeAnn Rimes, she is masking her tainted twat with the overwhelming smell of low tide!

You look like one of those girls that thinks because she is pretty, she doesn’t have to go the extra mile.

Like you def brush ur teeth only once a day, prob suffer from oily dirt face when not in front of the camera, and u DEF go at least 3 days at a time without showering!!!

Also, I think you may go light on deodorant.

Oh and that video of u dancing – STOP!

I also believe you to be a closet whore with chronic yeast infection issues, adding to ur thunder down under…

So Kate Upton, please polish your pungent poon, a pretty face is a terrible thing to waste!!

Putrid Perry

25 Apr

Days like this I want to drive away

Pack my bags and watch your shadow fade

You chewed me up and spit me out

Like I was POISON in your mouth…..

SPEAKING OF POISON in ones MOUTH…..

Welcome to The Smelly Vagina Club KATY PERRY

Now I like you, so this is a little hard for me, I’m torn!!

But between your total disregard for the health of your hair and all the pictures of you in way to tight pants/shorts and the general skankiness of your look I am now forced to initiate you into the only club that wishes it had less members…

The Smelly Vagina Club.

Is it just me people, or does this broad always look like she pulled an all nighter, baby wiped her pits, slapped on some perfume and did it all over again the next night???

With all you sex driven songs and suggestiveness I wanted to believe that you took care of the area…but I can no longer live this lie. I have come to terms with the fact that YOU my friend wear panties made of sashimi, and bathe in fish oil.

Russell Brand is a dirty little man, and he left…could it be that he no longer wanted to feast on the cream cheese between ur thighs??

I have a suggestion…HAIR…back to black, and whilst rinsing the dye out of ur head, take that shower head and point it directly towards ur FUNGINA…PLEASE!!!!

P.S

Being BFF with Rihanna does not help ur vaginal health!!

P.P.S

Don’t think that picture of you and ur vagina sweat went unnoticed!!!!

Wretched Rimes

24 Jan

 

LeAnn Rimes WELCOME to THE SMELLY VAGINA CLUB!!

How to liveeeee without SOAP, I want to know…..

How do you BREATHEEEEE around me, I want to know….

LeLe…I have not seen a picture of you in anything other than a bathing suit for like a year. And it finally dawned on me…you stay near the ocean at all times because the smell of low tide masks your festering vagina!!! DING DING DING!!!!

Im onto u!!!

You run the beaches in a skimpy bikini, always showing ur man like sex bones…and there are pictures of you leaping and prancing…always LEGS SPREAD

QUIT polluting the world, close ur legs crab crotch! I’m going to report you as the main cause of beach erosion!!!

I have one word for you Ursula the Sea Witch…..MASSENGILL!!!

Raunchy Ronson

11 Oct

SaMANtha Ronson, Welcome to The Smelly Vagina Club

UM..okay…so assuming you have a vagina , I think its safe to say its unkempt and stinky!

Number one…you let Lindsay Lohan play in there, and lord only knows where that girl’s hands have been!!

Number two…you live, act, and look like a dude, SO, that being said…I have come to the conclusion that you rock a full bush. Now everyone knows my thoughts on full bush…

You don’t even clean under your finger nails, so chances are you have sludge between your folds.

I have an idea, instead of spinning the hits, how bout you spin the dial on the hose and wash your cross dressing cooter!!!

The scary thing is, sometimes you look like a cute 19-year-old boy, and I find myself feeling dirty, dirtier then your LOHAN LUNCHIN LOCK BOX!!

So SaMANtha Ronson, Welcome to The smelly Vagina Club…keep your hands off Ms. Diaz…heard shes got the herp!

 

Congealed Coco

13 Sep

I would like to formally welcome COCO along with her T and A into the Smelly Vagina Club!!

Where do I even begin here…Oh wait I know, YOUR MARRIED TO ICE – T, a self-proclaimed pimp, along with SVU detective!!

That alone, makes your Vagina a bio hazard. NOW…it is my theory that do to your monstrous ass, sweat and god knows what else gets caught between the numerous nooks and crannies in your nether region causing a jelly like substance to form, hence you being initiated into the Smelly Vagina Club! BARF!!!

Your dental floss bathing suits lead me to believe you’re lacking in the pube department thank god for that, but while on the topic of your outfits…STOP!! You look like a dime store whore. Any man who finds you and the way you look attractive obviously subscribes to low-budget raunchy porn mags and jerks off in the basement whilst watching VHS tapes.

COCO…your VAGINA has BO!!

Welcome to The Smelly Vagina Club, please check all STD’s at the door!

Have a celeb you think should be part of the club?

Email me @ b.davis@thisiswhyihateu.com

 

 

 

Stank Spears

29 Aug

B.Spears…Welcome to The Smelly Vagina Club!

Im a SLAAAAAAAVE for DOUCHE

Ever since I was graced with your  C-section scar, I have been tormented with the thought of your musty muffin.

Judging by your gross hair extensions, I think it’s a safe bet that your fungina is infested with God knows what!

Any woman who walks shoeless around a gas station bathroom, def would fail the sniff test!

With all your money, can’t you pay someone to wash your vagina?? I know your white trash and all, but just let cousin Jed hose down the area…maybe you can then find a normal man??

It’s very clear that once JT got inside, he quickly wiped the tears from his eyes caused by your stank snatch and RAN!!

Britney, I understand you are bat shit crazy, but if you refuse to shower, at least use those vagina wipes once daily!

JunkBox Jessica

25 Aug

Jessica “Chicken of the Sea” Simpson Welcome to The Smelly Vagina Club!

Everything about you screams garbage gash! I look at you and I instantly picture a puffy, sweaty nether region.

You admitted to not brushing your teeth everyday and just chewing gum…SO one would then assume that you don’t shower everyday and use FDS to cover up ur tuna twat!

Sorry…that was even a bit much for me!!!

Welcome to the club dumbass!

P.S…your jeans are way to long and you look like an idiot!!

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