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Cat Calling Cockheads

15 Feb

This is why I hate u…cause u make me wanna vomit for starters!!

Who raised u?

What exactly do you think us unsuspecting innocent women are going to do when we hear the words “hey baby, uh, I wanna lick ur fine ass”???

Do you think we are going to walk over to your delivery van/bicycle/jack hammer and drop drawers and bend over???

The words “Hey Mommie” followed by kissy noises and teeth sucking does NOT make me wanna take ur hair net off and have my way with u!! JUST AN FYI…

I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say walking over to a woman on her way to work whispering sweet nothing like “hey baby can I holla at u” IS NOT going to get u any poon.

My theory is that this worked for one dirtbag and men decided it was fair game.

Now I will admit on a rare occasion I enjoy a long look from a hot cop, or a hello from a hard hat toting beast, but it is RARE that they are hot and it is RARE that they are NOT RUDE!!!

Just cause I have tits and have to walk the streets of Manhattan does that mean every man has the right to talk to me like a hooker???

And it’s not just the blue-collar guys I’m picking on here –  I LOVE them, I own one myself…

YOU MEN IN SUITS are most of the time WORSE!! Get behind ur desk and surf internet porn or jerk off in the bathroom please, cause when I’m on my lunch break and you and your investment banker friends say things like “I would like to eat that” I want to stab you with a pencil…stop hiding behind ur Ralph Lauren dick lick!!

One day I’m gonna walk up to one of you cat calling cock knockers, seductively lick my lips, press my body against you and knee the shit out of ur balls!

ENOUGH SAID!

The Cyber Creep

29 Dec

Mr. I can say what I want and do what I want because I’m protected by my Laptop….THIS IS WHY I HATE U!

YOU ARE CAPTAIN CREEPO!!

You are the guy that “likes” a profile pic from last year, and writes things like “looking good”, or “niceee”. UM…that picture is as old as Jesus, clearly your creeping your way thru my profile at 3am!!

Why do you do this? My own boyfriend doesn’t do shit like that. But sure enough he now makes comments to me every time he see’s YOU do shit like that.

And let me ask you something Cyber Creep, how come anytime someone makes a comment involving a group of girls you write things like “pillow fight?” or “take pictures” or the absolute grossest..”Mmmmm, wish I could be there”?????

GROSS!!

You make me and all my friends and anyone who reads this shit itchy! Your like the uncle who when we were growing up, we were never allowed to sit on his lap. You’re the guy undressing people with your eyes on the subway, you’re the guy the neighbors wonder about, you are CYBER CREEP!

Also, do you get laid? Like ever?

If by the meer mention of Victoria Secrets you immediately start making dirty comments about panties and lesbians, I’m gonna go ahead and say your sex like is null and void! And don’t give me “it’s just a mans mind” – BULLSHIT, you are pathetic!! Do me and everyone else a favor, JERKOFF…like alot! If your walking around getting a hard-on over the word BRA, you have serious fucking issues and are a menace to society!

I have a suggestion, MAIL ORDER BRIDE!!!

Thank you, and fuck you!

Happy New Year!

Tweggie

24 Oct

Now some of you not in the know may ask, what is a tweggie…

A TWEGGIE is a weggie in the vaginal area…now we couldn’t call it a veggie cause that would be weird, so we took a page from the gross book using the word TWAT as inspiration.. got it??

Every woman gets tweggies, its annoying and somewhat painful depending on undie type and whether or not you have meat drapes…remember FUNgina’s are like snowflakes, no 2 are the same!!

Now if your around your friends, go ahead dig right in and show that tweggie’s whose boss. If you are say standing by the water cooler which is directly in my face and your carrying on a conversations with me (even though u all know I hate that) – DO NOT reach between your legs and tug at that sucker!!! O. M.G.

It was like slow motion…co-worker takes her hand places it between her lipage and adjusts underwear, I swear to God, my eyes couldn’t help but look, and lets just say, I now know she has puff puss!! NOT COOL!!

Use the fucking ladies room!!! Do one of those wiggle dances, we all know that means something is stuck somewhere but at least you’re not groping at your privates in front of me. Shit I rather watch the wiggle dance any day of the week.

Then I had to play the “nope I didn’t see you remove your panties from your poon game”. Its Monday, COME ON!!

And this CO-Worker TWEGGIE is why I hate u!!

Smoking Etiquette 101

21 Sep

Let me first start by saying that I AM a smoker.

I believe there are rules smokers should follow, a code if you will.

This isnt Mad Men circa 1964…us smokers are a dying breed and we must do our best to evolve into this anti smoking utopia we call Manhattan!

I’m one of those smokers who never smokes in their house, around children, anywhere near food, directly in front of entry ways into buildings and especially not in a confined space, where I may be around non smokers.

I’m sick of people waving their hand in front of their faces and huffing and puffing as they walk past covering their faces. Many times I have wanted to blow the smoke directly onto them and scream at them for being assholes…but I control my urge!!

I HATE people who smoke on the bus line. You’re standing pretty much side by side with strangers, all wanting to go home or get where they gotta be, and you have the balls to stand in close quarters and puff away. As a smoker, I think this is nasty. Come on now…you cant wait? Why didn’t you have you fix on the walk to the bus stop? Its rude, don’t do it!!

Another smoker faux pas….standing waiting for a light…OK, so if you happen to walk to a red light with a cig in your hand, fine, but do not take a giant drag and proceed to exhale at a dead stand still with children and assorted other people standing right next to you, wait the 1 min until your walking please, stop giving non smokers reasons to hate us!!

Crazy Ash Killa….why are you ashing with your hand parallel to my head…HOLD YOUR ARM DOWN!!! I don’t wanna be outside having my much deserved after lunch smoke and get covered in your debris!! STOP THAT!!

Exhale Control…practice it! Why must you blow smoke towards people whilst walking? Turn your head…its really not that hard!! I even hate sniffing other people’s smoke, its annoying and again RUDE!!

Now this is just a personal hatred on my part, but does anyone else get really grossed out when then see someone smoking and cupping their entire mouth with their hand?? I see this all the time when I’m in Little Korea and it’s simply FOUL…so please sir, STOP THAT!

Now you might ask, why smoke when you have to deal with all this pressure…no idea…ITS AN ADDICTION PEOPLE…leave me the fuck alone!!

 

 

READER RANT – More Nasty Bathroom Behavior

7 Sep

I hate you!

I really hate the people who pop their zits on the mirror at work and leave the little pussed white splatters or for that matter the animals that flick buggers on the mirror and leave them there until they dry up and fall off.

The only people worse than them are the animals who come to your house and do that!

Submitted by Mike

Shit Smear

1 Sep

FEEEEED MEEEEE

Let me first apologize for the grossness level of my posts as of late. However it is not my fault. It’s the fault of the disgusting animals I work with!!!

There have been way to many Water Closet related incidents lately! And frankly, it gots to end…

Toilet bowl skid marks this is why I hate u…

GROSS!! Now if you are taking a messy poop, chances are there is going to be numerous wipe and flush sessions involved. What normal person does not look into the bowl after using it? You always gotta give it a look, either to admire the size of the alien that just left you, check for corn, or just to make sure YOU HAVE NOT LEFT A GIANT SHIT SMEAR ON THE BOWL!!!

Come on people!! How do you walk away from what looks like a melted Hersey bar in the toilet – Do you have no shame? Little regard for your co workers? NO REGARD for the men and women who make a living cleaning your office? UMMMM…pretty sure the answer is NO to all the above mentioned questions.

My normal bathroom stall was in use, so I went to my second choice, 2 doors down and boom…I was faced with a 4 inch long 2 inch wide shit smear!! I made a gag noise immediately and proceed to say GROSS loud enough for the 3 women washing their hands at the sink to hear me.

Common courtesy people, common courtesy. Look in the bowl once your done desecrating it! If you see something there, keep flushing dammit!!!

I’m sick of being forced to write about your scandalous shitting escapades.

And this Mrs. Shit Smear is why I hate u!

The Random Pube

31 Aug

Pubic Hair, this is why I hate u….

First off, who the fuck in this day and age has one inch long pubic hair??

Okay maybe not everyone has a bald eagle (U SHOULD!!). Even so, I like to think that those still rocking a landing strip or worse a full bush, at least have the decency to trim that shit…trim that shit SHORT!!

I just left the always eventful ladies room of my office. While doing my hover over the bowl, I glance down and see a one inch curly course PUBE staring back at me right on the seat. BARF!!! You didn’t notice that you were shedding?

Can I ask you something? Do you have a significant other? If yes, WHY DO THEY LET YOU HAVE LONG PUBES??????

Natures dental floss perhaps? GAG!

I havent had pubes since Jesus was a boy and that’s the way it should be, end of story. With the risk of crossing some lines here…menstrual cycle and pubic hair don’t mix!!

SHAVE YOUR SHIT! There is no reason why I should have to encounter your stray hairs in and around a public restroom!

And while I’m at it, when you come to my apartment, and use my facilities please refrain from leaving hair samples on my home bowl. I sometimes need to vomit in that thing, and the last thing I wanna see is an unidentified foreign pube hanging out on my toilet. I sure as hell know it’s not mine or my boyfriends, we keep our shit right and tight.

So keep your crotch in check, BIC that shit!

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