U are banker douchbags in training!
Your parents send you to private schools where your dressed like Harry Potter to take French lessons and Piano lessons at the age of 5.
During lunch you can’t enjoy a peanut butter and jelly sandwich like us common folk, because your school is nut free, so you have pulled pork sandwiches and sushi on your monthly lunch calender that comes in an email from your smelly breathed British teacher along with a newsletter talking about parent socials.
You have play dates set up a month in advance by the parents assistants, normally you don’t even like each other, but yet are forced to hang out in an awkward social situation because the parents are socially acceptable.
Your mothers are all striving to have the number one kid, and must top all other parents in every aspect. From the BEST birthday party, to the most expensive math tutor…your kid is 5… 2 + 2 = JELLO is just fine!!! Stop trying to raise Doogie Howser, your raising a child who is going to be scared to get a B, and turns to prescriptions drugs to get thru “the pressure”…which is fine, because I’m sure they will be sent to the BEST REHAB FACILITY money can buy!!!
When you go to birthday parties, you don’t give fun gifts. Your mother rather eat nails then buy a child GI Joes…fuck no, you show up with some super brain gift from some boutique smart kid store.
COME ON…like, let a kid live!! Half the time the parents can’t even figure the toy out…not that they would admit it.
Your kid speaks 3 languages which is great, however it’s mostly because your East Indian nanny spends more time with your kid then you do…
SO at the dinner table he isn’t asking for Aqua to be smart, he is asking for it cause that’s the only fucking word he knows for water!!!
You play chess cause checkers is beneath you. You take swimming lessons, you go to a camp in Westchester that costs as much as some colleges. You have friends by the name of Tucker, Elijah, Hemani, Spencer, Maxim, Theadora and Halcyon because your parents are pretentious douche nozzels…what ever happened to Mikey and Joey???
You are a prop…your parents don’t even love you!!
P.S – THERE IS NO SANTA LITTLE MAXWELL!!! YOUR 12…ITS TIME YOU KNEW!!!!